Motherhood can be completely consuming. You can loose parts of yourself, with dreams and hopes swept up into the everyday. In this solo episode Amy explores and remembers the exact moment that she remembers feeling that core part of herself abandoned.
Listen to this shorter bite sized episode as Amy talks about:
- The logistics of spontaneously going to a movie seem like hard work and sometimes just too exhausting.
- Being present and allowing yourself to really appreciate times when you do get to ‘date’ yourself.
- The desire to be seen, heard and acknowledged.
- Practical ideas to explore in order to appreciate the invitation to find a small part of yourself again.
Because, this will not last forever. These moments do not define you. Even if it is just the tiniest thing, I hear and see you and within these conversations we change the way mothers are valued and seen in our society and spread the whispers of Matrescence together.
Find out more about Amy Taylor-Kabbaz and receive your Matrescence map here https://amytkb.wpengine.com/matrescence/
Transcript
Welcome to the happy mama movement podcast.
Speaker:I'm Amy Taylor-Kabbaz.
Speaker:I would like to start by acknowledging the Gadigal people of the aura nation
Speaker:on which this podcast is recorded as the traditional custodians of this land.
Speaker:And pay my respects to the elders past, present and emerging.
Speaker:And as this podcast is dedicated to the wisdom and knowledge of motherhood, I
Speaker:would like to acknowledge the mothers of this land, the elders, their wisdom.
Speaker:They're knowing and my own elders and teachers.
Speaker:Welcome back mama.
Speaker:I remember the exact moment.
Speaker:I realized that I had lost a core part of myself at the time.
Speaker:I would write about it as abandoning myself.
Speaker:Leaving behind a really core part of who I was and who I really wanted to be, in the
Speaker:belief that that wasn't possible anymore.
Speaker:It was this core belief I held.
Speaker:That, that old part of Amy was unable to exist in this new part of me in this
Speaker:new life of being a mother of three.
Speaker:And it wasn't until years later, when a beautiful mentor in my
Speaker:life challenged me to reconsider whether that really was the case.
Speaker:And I want to do that with you right now.
Speaker:Are there parts of you that you no longer connect with, bring
Speaker:into this time in your life?
Speaker:Are there parts of you, you have let go that you miss.
Speaker:Are there parts of you that you have abandoned?
Speaker:Dreams left behind hopes, that have been decided by you by society
Speaker:by the current culture are not possible at this time of your life.
Speaker:Recently in a coaching call a Mama shared that she misses her old adventurous self.
Speaker:Motherhood has really brought in this sense of focus and organisation.
Speaker:Two years of COVID means that she's become quite anxious about what's
Speaker:happening in the outside world.
Speaker:Keeping her son healthy, keeping herself healthy.
Speaker:But then when I created this space for her to reflect on who she used to be, her
Speaker:whole face changed, her energy changed.
Speaker:Her voice changed.
Speaker:She started talking about traveling.
Speaker:These adventures that she was on, how much she used to love
Speaker:to surf, to dance, to explore.
Speaker:How free she felt and that she hasn't felt that in such a long time.
Speaker:But here's the thing, when asked why she can't bring this part of herself back.
Speaker:It just doesn't feel like it fit in her life anymore.
Speaker:It wasn't possible.
Speaker:You can't travel.
Speaker:You can't be that adventurous.
Speaker:You can't jump out of planes.
Speaker:You can't go bungee jumping when you're dealing with toddlers.
Speaker:When you have a couple of babies at home, when you're juggling
Speaker:work, motherhood, children, life.
Speaker:And yes, that's true, that is the reality of where we are right
Speaker:now, right now in your life.
Speaker:It's highly unlikely that you can just decide on a random Saturday
Speaker:afternoon that you'd like to go to the movies at 5:00 PM today.
Speaker:Because 5:00 PM, as every mother in the world knows is starting to be dinnertime.
Speaker:You've got things you need to organise.
Speaker:You can't just drop everything and go to the movie cause you
Speaker:suddenly have that inspiration.
Speaker:So can we just take a minute and acknowledge how much that affects, us at
Speaker:times, I talk a lot about matresence and this transition of becoming a mother.
Speaker:And you will never be who you used to be again.
Speaker:But I just want to make it really, really clear that when I talk about matresence
Speaker:when we share these teachings and insights into how you are evolving and
Speaker:transforming as a woman and a mother.
Speaker:I really don't want it to be felt that we need to abandon who we used to be.
Speaker:I think the greatest gift, of this time in our life, is we get to choose
Speaker:which parts we're going to bring with us and which parts will leave behind.
Speaker:So yes, we lose parts of ourself in this seat.
Speaker:That adventurous spirit may not get much time out in the real world anymore.
Speaker:But she can't be ignored completely.
Speaker:She can't just be put to the side and told that that is not possible anymore.
Speaker:When we do that to ourselves, that's when resentment begins.
Speaker:That's when we feel stuck.
Speaker:That's when we feel like we're drowning in motherhood and work and housework
Speaker:and life, because there is a key part of you, beautiful mama, that must come out,
Speaker:even if it's just every now and then.
Speaker:So perhaps you really miss travel that freedom, that adventure.
Speaker:Make sure in your Instagram feed, you have beautiful places that
Speaker:you want to travel to one day.
Speaker:You save them.
Speaker:You create a little folder on your phone of future holiday plans.
Speaker:Perhaps you used to love dancing.
Speaker:You'd go to classes, you'd go out with friends.
Speaker:It was a core part of who you were moving, your body, being creative, being free.
Speaker:Book something in with your friends, create that dance space
Speaker:on a Saturday night with your kids.
Speaker:We can't ignore this part of ourselves.
Speaker:It hurts.
Speaker:It hurts us physically.
Speaker:It hurts our soul and it hurts how we feel about being a Mama.
Speaker:So, how do we bring her back?
Speaker:I think one of the core things is that we need to acknowledge
Speaker:that she's still there.
Speaker:That part of you, that who you used to be, but right now in
Speaker:this season is not possible needs to be heard and acknowledged.
Speaker:When we think about the masculine and feminine energies, the
Speaker:feminine needs to be acknowledged.
Speaker:She needs to be seen and heard.
Speaker:Now you might know this energy very well, because if you, in your
Speaker:relationship, in your work, in any part of your life, do not feel heard.
Speaker:You will know what happens.
Speaker:That's when anger comes out, that's when resentment and bitterness happens.
Speaker:That's when that, oh, that energy of the martyr can really kick in.
Speaker:All that energy is asking you to do is to acknowledge the feelings.
Speaker:That's the same thing we're doing to ourself.
Speaker:If we ignore the part of us that needs that freedom, that needs that fun,
Speaker:that is missing who we used to be.
Speaker:We can't just silence her and ignore her.
Speaker:We have to acknowledge her.
Speaker:You can do this in lots of different ways, but for me personally, one
Speaker:of the most beautiful ways of doing this is to journal about it.
Speaker:Is to literally write to her.
Speaker:That way she feels seen, celebrated.
Speaker:I say to her, I know it's been so long since you were able to feel free.
Speaker:I just want to acknowledge that you're patiently waiting for me.
Speaker:We really begin to be able to reflect on her and celebrate her.
Speaker:And then the second part of this, which is also just as important,
Speaker:is when you do do something that connects you to that old sense of self.
Speaker:Make sure you're fully conscious while you're doing it and acknowledge it.
Speaker:It's as if you're taking that part of yourself out on a date.
Speaker:Imagine there's a beautiful part of you that really just
Speaker:wants to feel free and have fun.
Speaker:And so when you go and do that thing, You really are present for it.
Speaker:You acknowledge it.
Speaker:You say to yourself in your mind, I love that I'm doing this.
Speaker:This is for me.
Speaker:This is for that part of me that hasn't felt free since the baby was born.
Speaker:Bring all of your awareness to it.
Speaker:What I've noticed that we do sometimes is we book these things in for ourselves, but
Speaker:then we don't consciously acknowledge it.
Speaker:And so it's like the programming in our body doesn't change.
Speaker:For example, say you book a massage.
Speaker:You go to the massage, you're lying on the massage table, but the whole
Speaker:time you're lying on that massage table, say for the whole hour,
Speaker:you're thinking about other things.
Speaker:You're thinking about what's happening at home.
Speaker:You're worried about what hasn't been done at work.
Speaker:You're thinking about that email.
Speaker:You're thinking about the birthday party you need to plan.
Speaker:You are not there.
Speaker:And so when that hour finishes, you're going to get off the table and head back
Speaker:home and not have really taken that in.
Speaker:That part of you that needs to be acknowledged was not acknowledged.
Speaker:The physical touch of the massage was there, but the sinking into
Speaker:the cells of being held, supported and nurtured was not received.
Speaker:Instead, when you lie on the table, you breathe in with every touch.
Speaker:You notice that your thoughts have wandered again because they will.
Speaker:And you bring yourself back again.
Speaker:Listen to the music that's playing in the room, feel the touch
Speaker:and sensations on your body.
Speaker:Breathe it in and tell yourself, this is for you.
Speaker:You have been through so much lately.
Speaker:This is to say, thank you to my body.
Speaker:This is to say, thank you for all that I do everyday.
Speaker:Breathe it in.
Speaker:When you get off that table, you will feel completely different.
Speaker:And so my invitation is that you bring this awareness, this conscious
Speaker:awareness, this dating of yourself, this beautiful acknowledgement of the parts
Speaker:of you that are on hold at the moment.
Speaker:And you acknowledge them.
Speaker:You date them, you book something in, even if it's months away.
Speaker:And every time that resentment rises, every time you feel like you're drowning
Speaker:every time it feels like it's too much, you take a breath and you notice
Speaker:in your body where that feeling is and you remind yourself, it's okay.
Speaker:I know this is hard.
Speaker:I know you miss your freedom.
Speaker:I know you missed the adventure.
Speaker:It's coming.
Speaker:It's coming.
Speaker:Because it is.
Speaker:This season, won't last forever.
Speaker:And you will have that space and time again.
Speaker:But the most important thing is to not push it down, to not lose
Speaker:yourself and abandon yourself completely during this time.
Speaker:Even if it's just the tiniest thing, that part of you needs to be acknowledged.
Speaker:She needs to be found again, may that bring lots of
Speaker:beautiful ideas and inspiration.
Speaker:And if you would like, please share it on Instagram with me, tag me and let me
Speaker:know, how are you finding yourself again?
Speaker:Which parts of yourself are you going to date and celebrate?
Speaker:Thank you for being a part of this conversation, Mama.
Speaker:We change the way mothers are valued and seen in our society and our world
Speaker:by bringing these conversations to light and spreading the whispers of matresence.
Speaker:And so I ask you to be a part of this movement now.
Speaker:Speak to others around you about matresence.
Speaker:About your experience of motherhood.
Speaker:Let's bring it to light together.
Speaker:To find out more about my matresence.
Speaker:Go to amytaylorkabbaz.com forward slashmatresence.
Speaker:And receive your free ebook the matresence map.
Speaker:So you can understand it even deeper.
Speaker:Thank you for being a part of this.
Speaker:Until next week.
Hello!
I'm Amy.
I'm a matrescence activist - here to revolutionise the way you feel about yourself as a mama, and transform the way the world values and supports all mothers, everywhere.
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